American Horror Story: Double Feature Teasers Try to Get a Picky Vampire Child to Eat

    American Horror: Story Double Feature has started out with a bang! We jumped right in with The Shining set up of a family whisking away to Provincetown, Mass. to help cure Harry Gardner’s writer’s block. He finds his cure that comes in a little pill called The Muse. After seeing the amazing results her dad is cranking out, his daughter Alma’s obsession for greatness as a violinist proves stronger than her will not to steal a pill of her own. A tiny side effect of the pill? Vampiritis. Check out the latest look at American Horror Story.

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    Now, there is so much more to the story than that, but Harry Gardner… By the way, that’s the same last name of Green Lantern that Finn WIttrock will be playing on HBO. Confusing! Back to my point. Harry has the, if I dare use the word, ‘common’ problem of rearing a child who just recently acquired a thirst for blood. ‘Picky eater’ does not do the predicament justice!

    These bloodsucking bambinos who I’m talking about have not the table manners nor the discipline required to avoid the law or consequences when they get peckish. It leaves it to their caregivers to not only feed these parched and precocious pre-teens, but clean up the mess. In Interview with the Vampire: The Vampire Chronicles, we have poor Claudia (little Kirstin Dunst) being taken care of by Louis (Brad Pitt) and Lestat (Tom Cruise). Claudia is getting three squares a day and snacking in between meals. Her feeding tantrums bring trouble to the trio, and she’s stuck in that 11 year old body. She’s doomed to be defenseless. Talk about never getting the kids out of the house.

    Then we have little Laddie in The Lost Boys. He’s at the mercy of the Santa Carla Boardwalk bloodsuckers. He depends on Star and relies on the brotherly attention of the older Lost Boys. You can’t help but feel sorry for him and be thankful he has Star as a comforting presence. But there’s no denying Laddie is out of control as a wee vampire.

    The only hope ‘child’ vampires have at a chance to survive is to mature &à la Let the Right One In. Eli’s wisdom that comes from being 200 years old. She also shares familiar vampire traits like super-strength. She also shares the no sunlight rule most vampires are plagued with, which brings me to my last questions for AHS Double Feature.

    The Muse pills don’t really make them true vampires, right? Harry is cruising over to Austin’s (Evan Peters) house midday to score some more screenplay-success stimulants. Alma was chomping down on her wildlife in the afternoon. Those David Byrne dudes are bopping down the street all times of the day cruising for vein vittles. I haven’t seen any supernatural feats, unless you count that exquisite duet of ‘Islands in the Stream’ from Austin and Belle (Evan Peters and Frances Conroy). I love when Murphy makes them sing. Remember Sarah Paulsen’s ‘Criminal’ in Freak Show? Kissing the tips of my fingers now.

    If you’ve slept on some of the less popular seasons of American Horror Story, pop back in, because Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk are in their groove. The performances have been captivating, and the story will have you wanting to fast-forward to Wednesday where you can tune in on FX and on Hulu the next day to get your bloody fix.

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